A crow called Russell is attacking people in Sheffield, UK – and if you can’t see why that’s funny, then I can’t help you.
The crow in question has claimed numerous victims in Brincliffe Edge Wood where he executes his signature move, which involves dive bombing people from above and twatting them in the head.
His victims have taken to Facebook to confide in each other, with one woman claiming she has been subjected to Russell’s trademark dive bombs on four separate occasions.
One bloke was even left with a nasty gash on his head after one of Russell’s signature twatings.
Recounting the assault, Sam Howard said he was walking through the woodland with his girlfriend, minding his own business, when the unprovoked attack took place.
According to the Sheffield Star, he said:
“Everything seemed normal, nothing amiss. Then the next thing I know I get walloped on the back of the head by what felt like a sack of spuds.
My girlfriend screamed, I was shocked. We saw a black shadow flying away and assumed it was a one-off freak accident by a rogue crow.
As we warned another passer-by about the incident, she mentioned the Facebook post.
Turns out Russell has been terrorising the neighbourhood for the last few days.”
Fortunately, the bleeding has stopped for Sam and he expects to make a full recovery, but he knows it could have been a hell of a lot worse.
Zara Maun said her wife was also assaulted by the bird while walking dogs through the area, adding that Russell showed no remorse after the attack, instead choosing to stare them out.
She told the newspaper:
“My wife Lindsey and I are dog walkers from Dog and Bone Club.
We were walking a small group of three dogs in the top end of of the woods when the angry bird took a swoop with their beak at my wife’s head.
The bird didn’t touch me but one of the dogs we were with, a Bull Greyhound Joey, barked at it for a while and it wasn’t fazed at all, it just sat in the tree staring at us.”
Another woman – who wished to remain nameless – said she has been put off walking through the wood altogether.
While this is an understandable response, it is also an inappropriate one. If the good people of Sheffield don’t continue to roam freely through the area, then Russell wins.
So go bravely through Brincliffe Edge Wood… and keep an eye out for that prick Russell as he prepares to dive bomb.