Meeting your soulmate is a romantic ideal many people believe in. Who doesn’t like the idea of ending up with the one person you’re meant to be with? As New-Agey as it sounds, when you’re truly at a place in your life when you’re ready to meet “The One,” asking the universe to introduce you to this person is key. But before you get too excited, psychics say there is one thing you really need to watch out for: a copycat soulmate.
“A ‘copycat soulmate’ is someone who comes into your life when you have decided you want a commitment with someone and are ready to make that commitment,” Davida Rappaport, Psychic and Spiritual Counselor, tells Bustle. “You made your list of what you want in a partner (or soulmate), worked on yourself, and did all of the work you felt you needed to do to manifest ‘The One.'”
When you’ve done all the necessary work and everything seems to be aligned, you might end up attracting someone you believe is your soulmate. That’s because this person may exhibit all the early signs that they could actually be your soulmate. “They match all of the items on your checklist, the chemistry you feel with them is amazing, and everything seems perfect — except it’s really not,” Rappaport says.
Once the honeymoon period ends, you begin to see the little red flags you initially missed like character traits or behaviors that are total dealbreakers. According to Rappaport, it usually shows in the way they handle relationships. “Often, a copycat soulmate is one who does not want to work on a relationship,” she says. “As long as you don’t leap into anything immediately, even though it feels right, you should be fine.”
So how do you know if your current partner is a copycat soulmate and not the real thing? Here’s how you can tell, according to experts.
1. They Put Up A Mask Of Perfection
A copycat soulmate always finds a way to be perfect. “They play into your fantasy about what your soulmate should be like in the words the say, how they treat you, and how they act,” Rappaport says. They’ll romance you and shower you with all the love and attention you’ve never received from any partner before. But according to her, they typically do and say the “right” things until they get comfortable with you. “Once they think they have you, that’s when they drop the facade and you can see them for who they really are,” she says. “If you are willing to stop living in your head and just be present, you can see them from who they truly are.” People can only pretend for so long.
2. They Have Some Growing Up To Do
A real soulmate will treat you with respect at all times because they want the same in return. Your real soulmate will be mature and will know that relationships take work and effort in order to succeed. “Someone who never accepts responsibility for their behavior or the problems they are facing is not a quality partner or soulmate,” Dating and Relationship Coach, Rosalind Sedacca, CLC, tells Bustle. “They demonstrate a child-like approach to coping with challenges by blaming others and not being accountable for their actions.” These people learn little from life experiences and instead use you as the scapegoat.
When it comes to apologies, a copycat may not be good at them. “[…] immature people have little empathy for others while soulmates know how important an apology can be to healing hurtful situations,” she says. Your true soulmate will be a mature person who can accept responsibility for their behavior and own up to mistakes without blaming you. They also learn from their mistakes so life with them keeps getting better, not worse.
3. They Tune You Out During Conversations
Partners who are truly “The One” for you will get excited to have conversation with you and, more importantly, listen. “The person you’re with may show great qualities in all the right places,” relationship coach, Jenna Ponaman, CPC, tells Bustle. “But if you find they’re quick to to lose interest in the conversation a majority of the time, chances are they are not holding you to that high value of someone that is ‘The One.'” Again, this goes back to respect and maturity. If your partner doesn’t know how to function in a healthy, mature, and respectful relationship, they might be a copycat soulmate.
4. Your Relationship Isn’t Their Priority
Just to be clear, it’s perfectly OK for someone to be career driven and independent. “But when you’re with your soulmate, they should be open enough to want to share in the experience with you,” Ponaman says. Your soulmate will know that balance in life is key. They should take time to prioritize you just as much as all those other important things in their life. If you feel like their career may be a bigger priority than you, that is something to note, Ponaman says. While having a career is important, you will know if your partner’s claims that their work ethic is for your benefit is actually an excuse.
5. They Aren’t Completely Open About Themselves With You
Your true soulmate should be able to be their authentic self around you. There’s a deep connection and a level of comfort that comes with meeting your soulmate. “Even if your partner says they want to be with you and are devoted to you, the fact that they cannot be 100 percent truthful about who they are around you says that this match is not thriving for both parties,” Ponaman says. No matter how great of a match you seem on paper, if they or you can’t completely open up, it’s going to be tough to make it work long-term. “This is a tough one for most people to comprehend,” she says. “Most of us find ourselves with partners that we really want to be with, but are too fearful to face the fact that this person truly isn’t the one for us, even if they are a great catch.” When you’re with your soulmate, getting to know them shouldn’t be a huge challenge.
6. They Shower You With Compliments That Are Pretty Shallow
“Whether or not you believe in ‘soulmates,’ the feeling behind it is universal,” Amica Graber, a relationship expert with TruthFinder, tells Bustle. “We want to be loved for who we are, not what we look like or how much money we earn.” So if someone only compliments you on your physical appearance, or what you can do for them, that might not be a soulmate. According to Graber, soulmates will know each other better than anyone else. If they only have a shallow understanding of who you are and they don’t spend time asking more questions or discovering more by being around you, they may just be a copycat soulmate.
7. You Aren’t Completely Sure Where You Really Stand With Them
A copycat soulmate will be drawn in by the initial chemistry but won’t stick around when the going gets tough. They’ll pop in and out of your life whenever they choose, and you’ll never really know where you stand with them. “If you attract a ‘real soulmate’ (and there can be more than one) after the initial attraction settles into a nice simmer, you can actually see that your partner is someone who reasonably matches your list,” Rappaport says. “But more importantly, they are someone who genuinely wants to be with you and do the work necessary to build a strong, solid relationship.”
So, copycat soulmates tend to appear when you tell the universe you’re ready for a real relationship. But what’s the deal? Is the universe trying to mess with you? According to Rappaport, not really. Just think of it as a test.
Often times when you’re ready for a relationship, the tendency is to jump in really fast without thinking things through. When the chemistry is super strong, that happens even more easily. But if you really want to be with your soulmate, “divine timing” and patience are essential to understand. “When you realize that you desperately want to find your soulmate and are impatient you can stop attracting the copycat soulmate and begin to find the real soulmate,” she says. “Being patient and refining your list as you go, is a good way to stop the copycats from appearing in your life.”
If you know anything about manifesting, having the ability to let go and trust that the universe is going to make things happen for you is super important. Since we’re human and we tend to want things when we want them, being patient isn’t the easiest thing to do. No one’s saying you can’t enjoy dating the copycat soulmates along the way. They can definitely be fun. Most importantly, they’ll teach you things about yourself and what you actually want in a relationship. So by the time you meet your actual soulmate, you’ll truly be ready for a love that lasts.